Sleepless

Hello there!

This time it's just a short new blog entry and nothing special I guess!!
I just need a place to write my feelings down and this one is maybe the right one.

Today was a horrible day. The whole week was super horrible for me!
First I got really sick. I got a bladder infection (the first one in my life!). Also my voice was already away after I visited my best friend but when I got home my voice was totally away. Now slowly my voice comes back but my throat hurts SO MUCH! It's already 4:19 am in Germany. I can't sleep because I have so much pain in my throat. Every gulp hurts like someone puts a lot of needles inside it.

Because of that matter I wasn't able to go to university the whole week. I feel already so bad about that but it couldn't be helped. Still I went to Japanese lesson on Wednesday. I thought "Hey, maybe it's okay, it's gonna be better!"
But I think I should have stayed home. Not because of the lesson itself - after the lesson my train was 40 minutes too late. And after that I even missed my bus so I had to wait around 50 minutes of the next bus in the rain. No wonder I got sick again!

Tomorrow I just going to leave the house to eat something in the cafeteria of my university. Also I need to have a phone call. I get half-orphan pension. Already with the new application I told the office who is in charge of tht half-orphan pension that I have a new bank account. I can't use my old bank account because of some problems there so I told them around 3 times in different applications to use the new bank account.
Today the money arrived.
In my OLD bank account.
It's a disaster for me because I can't take the money from the old bank account for some reasons. And it was a lot of money. Because the office took some time they needed to pay me money for around 3 month - I really needed that money this month and now I can't use it. It's just gone. I am going to call them tomorrow that they PLEASE should finally use the NEW bank account but still I never see that money again and I really don't know at the moment how to buy food for this month.

It sounds kinda dramatic, right? Argh. It's not that I'm from a super poor family but we are also not wealthy. Also I don't want to ask my family always about money. They supportet me so much when I told them that I want to move to a city far away to go to university. I feel it's disrespectful to still expect that they always help me out. Of course, they are family, but still I don't want to be a burden.

I mean...
My aunt for example. I know many people discribe themself as 'super mothers' because they take care about a child alone. But my aunt takes care about two disable children and my granny almost ALONE because my mother is working long and my aunts husband was also working the whole day. While I was in Japan he had a accident in his work so he is not able to work anymore. Of course he stays now home but still he can't be a big help for my aunt because he just can move rarely at the moment. She decided to took a part-time job to have more money for her family.
And still she told me - while I was still in Japan - to support me and help me with my movement.
Once again:
- takes care about TWO DISABLE children ALONE
- takes care about my granny (who suffered from a apoplectic stroke in the past and forgets lots of things)
- takes care of her husband who just can move rarely after accident
- has a part-time job
- has two dogs
.... PLEASE! I mean.. THAT woman is not just a super mother. She is like a half goddess. And next to it she also lend me money for university, drove me with her car to my new living place and helped me with the movement.
I love my family but... I really don't want to be an even bigger burden for them.

Ahhhh...
So it's now 4:30 am. I'm sitting here, writing that stuff but I think I'm still happy and optimistic.

I mean.. yes. At the moment I am terribly sick, I don't know how to survive this month and also I heard about the typhoon. I have some friends in the Philippines and they have to be worried about Typhoon “YOLANDA”. I mean.. look at that:

It looks SO scary, right?
I hope they are all save...
BUT!

Yes, also such kind of thing happened today. But still I'm smiling! I mean.. yes, before I cried maybe a little but life is short. Too short to always complain and say "This is sad" "That is horrible" "That is so bad". Sure, life is not always bright. It's okay to cry and complain in that moment and to get out what's in your heart. But after that you should also just smile. Maybe later I wake up and some good stuff happend. Even if it's just a rainbow over my university.
You see that picture?

My friend from university took it. She also had a terrible week and couldn't go to university because she had pain in her lag. But such kinds of little wonders makes life really amazing. Maybe today wasn't that great but than tomorrow will be better.
Life is really, really too short to just cry around, complain and remember about bad things.

Life is an AMAZING thing we should cherish, right?

I am so grateful to be alive every day. No matter what happens - everything will be fine sooner or later so.. why cry around? Life is so so great. Too great to just cry again.

So please everyone! Look at that blog and... no matter how horrible it is today. Tomorrow there will be also a rainbow maybe over your house and make you realise that life is the most precious thing you have.